kewlgurl & Mircea PG-13

[Castiel]

Malphas didn't think he'd be able to ask the question directly. He wasn't sure he wanted to at all. The Nephilim already seemed so blue because of him. The last thing he wanted to do was cause anymore grief. "Nothing. Just forget it," Malphas said as dismissively as possible. "Forget it," he said again, voice harsher as he gritted his teeth, trying to hold in the wrenching feeling in his chest. Forcing himself to turn his head away, Malphas shook his head to himself, congratulating himself for his failed attempts to shrug Nathan off.

"I..." He immediately worried about the possibility of Nathan lending him <i>his</i> cloths. Malphas certainly wanted to avoid something like that. "It's good," he replied, trying not to point out all the blood on him. Hopefully Nathaniel wouldn't press, or Malphas wasn't sure how he'd deal with it. Tell him that he was just injured? Say that he himself had went off on a rampage when Nathan wasn't around? "I'll go wherever you go," Malphas said with a promising smile. "Come on," he urged.

[Mircea]

Nathank bit his lower lip and lowered his glance. "Yeah, nevermind. Shouldn't have asked." But the question was still burning on his tongue - and it was not the only one. There were so many things he wanted to say and to ask and things he should have said and explained but for now he didn't say a word. It was more than obvious that Malphas wasn't into the thought of a proper conversation - what had he come back for at all? It didn't really make sense anymore and the nephilim failed to find a proper reason for the Fallen's behaviour. And - for goodness sake! - he had to learn to shut his goddamn mouth! He'd done enough false rights, hadn't he?!
"Anyway - it's this way to the park." he said and gestured down the street. It was very likely his fellows wouldn't come after them or be searching for him. It was not unusual that a shadowhunter went missing from the institute for a few hours after such a big fight.

He gently nudged Malphas in the right direction by touching his elbow ever so briefly, rather shy. He didn't dare to come any closer. Or to say anything - apart from that he wouldn't know anyway what to say. He buried his hands deep in his pockets while trotting next to Malphas, keeping quiet and doing his best not to think about the Fallen's behaviour. He couldn't wrap his head about why it bothered him so much that th connection they seemed to have had just several hours ago was just gone. But it did bother him and in the end he couldn't help but think about it - without any result of course. Who could understand a Fallen Angel anyway?

[Castiel]

Malphas prayed that Nathan wouldn't hold a grudge for long. He hoped that one day he could make things right, but have the Shadowhunter understand the danger of being around him. "It's fine," he said, trying to assure him. Malphas was too torn between all his choices, and his emotions. He could always go back to the way it had been last night, when he hadn't really thought it through clearly. Or he could pull the demon up right now and probably never see Nathaniel's face again. Finally, he could continue the awkward speech and the silence that stretched on through them. None of his option seemed particularly pleasing. Though the idea of going back to the way things were the night before... And then the worse parts of the nights before. Maybe it'd be better for Nate if he remained his stoic self.

"I'm sorry Nathan," Malphas said, coming to a stop as he grabbed Nate's arm. "Just...whatever dumb thing I do or say to you - it's not your fault. You want to just forget this all and go back to when... I was kinder? That's what I would prefer Nathaniel, though the choice is yours," Malphas said cautiously, expression hard. He was pretty certain that Nathan would likely go with a 'yes', though it wasn't precisely the best choice. On the other hand, Malphas certainly preferred the idea of having Nathan around as a perfect friend.

[Mircea]

Yeah, fine. Of course it was fine for the Fallen. He didn't seem to mind any of this, very much in contrary to Nathan. He was really struggeling to keep his mouth shut and it was actually surprising that he managed it. But that didn't make him feel any better, actually he was only bothered by thought words would have kept away. He frowned when some wind whistled down the street. Too cold to be outside without a proper jacket. Well, at least they had that in common - Malphas didn't have a jacket either and in his hurry Nate had forgotten his. What a great thing that they were going for a hot coffee that would warm them.

For a moment there was anger in his eyes when the Fallen grabbed him by his arm. What was it now?! "Not my fault you say and yet you made it clear enough that I am part of the problem!" He pulled his arm away from Malphas' grip and crossed the arms in front of his chest. "And suddenly you're telling me that we 'can just go back'? Why just now? Why not before? Why lose yourself last night? After all, how dare you call me naive and foolish and failing with my faith in you, why speak to me in such tone as you did? You want to stay away from me, remember that? Your words! I would have never asked for any of it, I wanted you to stay, I had faith in you, I was sure we could save you and I was willing to try with everything I have!" He took a deep breath, shakily and desperate. He didn't want to be angry with Mlphas, he didn't want to offend him and yes, for good grace, he wanted to forget and go back! He really did!

"But I'm not gonna pressure you into anything, right. You were the one to not want it, remember that, Malphas. How can you act as if all of this were okay now?! Suddenly we can just go back? Why all the pain and offense before??" He pressed his lips together and shook his head. Nathan hated speaking like this but those were the thoughts really bothering him. Why? How could Malphas' be such a ianus-faced b****?
"So if you ask me whether I want to go back... yes. Yes, I do. I very much want to and I never wanted anything else. So don't you dare to make me feel like the one causing all this mayhem!" Because he had always been the one doing his best to keep going. He hadn't failed Malphas - or had he?

[Castiel]

Malphas stood there for a couple moments, shock registering on his face for the first time in several years. And he was hurt, unfortunately, that flickered across his face as well. He grimaced tightly, and flinched slightly at every word that Nathan said. Gosh did Nathan know how to make a someone miserable and guilty. More guilty then Malphas had been before. Malphas had to explain, but really, it was his fault wasn't it? That he couldn't control himself at the right times, couldn't be the person that Nate wanted him to be.

"You're a part of the problem, but you aren't the problem, Nate," Malphas corrected, though his voice wavered, not so sure that he was convinced himself. "You're right. I was the one who made all the mistakes last night. It's my fault I didn't mean to-" he stopped himself, the corner of his mouth twitching. "You don't want to hear my excuses do you? No matter what I tell you, I'm always the villain, and I called you naive and foolish anyways. But here they are anyways; I'm torn between so many choices. What's right, what's wrong, what I want, what I don't want, what the more angelic side of my wants, what the demonic side of me wants. I'm sorry if I destroyed your faith there," Malphas said, his words becoming clearer and more distant by the word.

Taking a step forward, Malphas forced down the urge to lose himself to the demon again. But it'd be so much easier, to take away all the guilt and replace it with pure pleasure. Why did he just have to be the type to hang on to humanity? Why couldn't he just be like the other Fallen? Just give up and let the demon control him, forget everything good about himself and live freely? "You're not causing all the mayhem. It's me, I know." Malphas said caustiously, breathing slowly. "On another note, you don't sound like you want to go back there at all. I warned you how much you could get hurt thanks to my demon. That wasn't even to the fullest. Think again Nathaniel, sure you want to go there?"

[Mircea]

"What makes you think that anyway?" Nathan snapped. "Maybe I do want to her your excuses! Maybe, just maybe I want to hear you trying! Yes, maybe I'd want to see you care and try to fix this! What if that's what want?!" Although Malphas had made it very clear that he was very well able to apologize - but not mean it! - the nephilim wanted him to mean it, wanted him to honestly justify his own actions, he wanted to understand and yet he wanted to hear Malphas comfort him and tell him that he was sorry. Of course the Fallen couldn't imagine that! Nathan licked his lips and shook his head slightly. "You make it easy for yourself", he started to explain huskily. "You always claim that it's the demon doing all this, saying those things but you can control it! And don't you dare to tell me otherwise!" It was obvious that Malphas was rather emotional now and he was in control of himself now! So why the hell couldn't it always be like that? "You think you destroyed my faith in you? Think again! You'll need to go to greater lengths than a few sorry insults to get me to back away!" Stubborn like a little boy he crossed his arms in front of his chest and cocked his head, giving Malphas a serious look.

He didn't need to think about it a lot, already knew his decision: There was no way he'd let it slip now, no way he'd let Malhas down. Not yet, they still had a good chance! "If you can promise that'll be where we'll end up again and again and again, if we'll end up fixing things like we're trying to now, if that's how it goes... then I do want to have that!" He paused, slightly desperate searching for words. It took him a little while until he found the words to express himself: "You see?" He dared a shy smile. "You're trying. You're doing good and as long as there's a will inside you, I'll do my best to find a way. How does that sound? You don't give up on yourself and neither do I."

[Castiel]

"Nathaniel... I'm going to try to be honest with you. I do think you are a bit... naive. And you know what? It's wonderful. You're not supposed to - to care about a Fallen Angel." Malphas said, a hint of a smile coming across his face. "You seem to believe that I can do anything. And...you keep so much faith in me. I can barely handle it. Those few insults would've allowed any person to realize how bad I could be. Few would even make it as far as that point," Malphas explained, quickly. "So...I suppose I just thought that you deserved a lot of praise for what you do," he said dismissively. He wanted to let Nathan know that no matter what, perhaps it was something that would stop the Shadowhunter from hating him.

Smile broadening, Malphas pulled Nathan into a short and light embrace. "And thank you Nathan. You can have faith in me when I don't. I always want to just give in, and as you said... have it easy for myself. But I'll keep trying ok? I won't give in again, and I won't be going so far. And in the unfortunate event that something like this happens, I'll always fix it," Malphas promised. Deep inside, he felt as if it wouldn't be a promise he'd keep. But he'd try his best anyways, not that it ever seemed to be enough. But Nate couldn't worry about what he didn't know, and as long as that was the case, Malphas was good with it.

[Mircea]

He was just about to pout about Malphas calling him naive once more when the Fallen added something that made Nathan smile like an idiot: "It's wonderful" he said and suddenly all of Nate's anger was just gone. Of course it was, how was he supposed to stay angry with such kind words? And the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth made the nephilim more than happy. He really liked the fact that Malphas seemed to be a bit more upbeat now. And he liked the things he said, of course. Blushing, he buried his hands deep into the pockets of his trousers, smiling awkwardly. "I think you're making me into too much of a hero. I'm not that great, you see? I'm simply doing what I always wished people would do for me: I'm trying to help you getting out of this mess - sometimes all one needs is a helpful hand. A friend in need, you know what I mean?" Leaving Malphas to himself was probably the most dangerous and cruel thing that could happen right now. He'd be completely lost. The fallen needed a little help and Nathan needed a friend. So why not take on this together? To the shadowhunter it was by far not such a great thing as it was to Malphas - it was simply human.

And he blushed a bit brighter just when he was pulled into an embrace. He hugged the Fallen a bit tighter, unwilling to let go so fast - who knows when would be the next time he'd be so peaceful! "You have to keep trying, alright? It's what will keep you sane as long as we haven't found another way." Which they would do undoubtedly! I'll always fix it. That was a promise right? A promise that made Nathans heart dance in triumph - he was sure now that Malphas would surely be strong enough to kick ass against that demon inside him. If he could say sorry so honestly, he could stop needing to say it. He would learn to fight it, Nathan was sure of that. He slowly, relunctantly almost, let go of Malphas. "Now that's somewhat of a progress, isn't it?" he smiled and let his hand brush Malphas' ever so slightly. It was easier to relax around the Fallen, now that he didn't seem to be angry anymore.

[Castiel]

Malphas only snorted lightly, trying to stir up a joking mood. But every word he said to Nathaniel, and every word he replied with reminded him of the previous night. More so, that Nephilim what had she said? Something about seducing? Malphas wished he could even attempt to bring it up again, or maybe just hint at it. But it was really quite a difficulty. "Friends," he said with a light nod, "Let's leave it at that. I guess the point is that I'm a Fallen Angel. I should be a friend, or a person, or anyone any Nephilim should think is worth saving. I just... don't understand how you can be so different from the rest of your kind. If memory serves, I'm not usually too fond of Shadowhunters myself," Malphas explained hastily.

"I'll try," he said, words empty in his mouth. They didn't mean anything. Finding another way. That was quite impossible. Malphas knew other Fallen, people just like him. They wanted to move on quickly, not to endure the guilt and the weaknesses of being stuck in a human realm. Malphas had done his part trying to 'live life to the fullest'. It was a good experience, as pain filled as it was. He just wasn't so sure he wanted to get stuck as a Fallen Angel for the rest of his life. In fact, he was sure that he didn't want to. "I just... Maybe... Maybe just letting myself become a demon would be better then this... life I have now. I know this likely sounds repulsing. It's really not that I've given up on myself. Just maybe moving on would you better..." Malphas trailed off, looking into the distance.

[Castiel]

^