The Attack of Dogs - Warrior Cats Story

[★Feather★]

I'm sorry that the story isn't that good. I made it a long time ago on a Notepad and it's called, "The Attack of Dogs."
Please post replies of how I can make it better, no hard feelings if you don't like it
If you don't like how I used the characters, for example Ashfur, then please PM me. I can maybe change that cat to some other cat.

Chapter 1: The Dream
As Brambleclaw lifted his head to see a dark black figure he got up to his paws and spat, "Who are you? What are you doing on Thunderclan territory?"
The figure got up and bounded away. Brambleclaw unsheathed his claws and collected his haunches to spring up at the shadow. He heard pawsteps behind him
as he turned around and saw a huge white dog pouncing on him. Brambleclaw turned tail and fled. "This can't be real! Surely it can't!" Brambleclaw meowed.
He could still hear the dogs huge paws pounding behind him as he rounded a tree, hard on his paws. He saw a branch that could be lowered and dashed after it.
Brambleclaw pushed the branch the farthest he could and flung himself up to the tallest tree where the dog couldn't get him. He looked around and saw the dark
figure bounding across the treetops. Brambleclaw jumped down onto the tree where the shadow was and bit the tail. "Ouch!" The figure hissed.
The dark figure unsheathed its claws and lashed its tail, turning around to face Brambleclaw. It jumped up behind Brambleclaw and felt claws stretching for his
shoulders. He jumped up and saw he was in the Warriors den. Brambleclaw had a dream, a horrible nightmare in fact.

[★Feather★]

Chapter 2: The Scar
Brambleclaw lifted his head and saw Squirrelflight mewing softly beside him. He got up and shook his pelt as he padded into the clearing. Brambleclaw saw
Firestar sharing tongues with Sandstorm in the bright sunlight. It was almost sunrise as he approached Firestar. "Firestar. I've had a dream from Starclan."
Brambleclaw meowed.
"What was it?" Firestar meowed, turning to Brambleclaw.
He licked his paw and mewed, "It's been a long time since we've had a dream from Starclan."
Brambleclaw nodded. "A dog was chasing me and I saw this cat. It gave me a scratch. It felt so real!" He meowed, giving his shoulder a quick lick.
But before he could react he saw a scar along his shoulder and his eyes widened as he meowed, "This is the scar I had gotten from the cat!"
"Stop overreacting," Firestar mewed, his fur bristling. "That's never been there before! What in the name of Starclan has happened?"
Firestar lashed his tail as he dismissed Brambleclaw with a flick of his tail before he turned around to see Ashfur. "Hey, Brambleclaw," Ashfur meowed. "Got some
duties before dawn? 'Cause if you keep up this pace you won't be licking your own fur soon enough!"
"Shut your jaws mousebrain!" Brambleclaw hissed, sheathing his claws after he realized he had unsheathed them.
Ashfur nodded and led Brambleclaw outside of the clearing. It was then when Ashfur had stopped. "Let's have a break." Ashfur purred.
Brambleclaw tilted his head but soon reaized they had gone far enough. "Sure." He meowed, seeing a squirrel scattering along the ground.
He dropped into the hunters crouch and unsheathed his claws, checking the wind every now and then. Brambleclaw stalked his prey and pounced on the squirrel,
trapping it under his paws before quickly picking it up in his jaws and chewing it thoroughly. "I meant-" Ashfur meowed.
Brambleclaw couldn't hear what Ashfur had said before he felt claws raking down his back. He collapsed to the floor and soon realized that Ashfur was the figure.

[★Feather★]

Chapter 3: Leafpool is Gone
Brambleclaw's vision was blurred but he managed to see the shapes of Squirrelflight purring beside him. He shook his head and saw that he was in the Medicine
cats den. He saw Ashfur sitting beside Leafpool as she arranged some herbs. Brambleclaw glared at his back and saw scratches and claw marks along it.
~That Ashfur! Of course Squirrelflight won't believe me, she was so close to him! What am I going to do? Sit back and relax while Ashfur gets all the power?~
"Is he going to be alright, Leafpool?" Squirrelflight mewed softly, bending her head towards Brambleclaw's.
Leafpool nodded and got a herb in her jaws. She chewed it up and spat it at Brambleclaw's claw marks. "I wonder who would do this!" Leafpool hissed.
Suqirrelflight nodded and meowed soothingly, "Are you alright, Brambleclaw? If you would care to, I'd love an explanation of what happened out there."
"I'll have to talk with you alone about that. Am I in the Medicine cats den? I was just in the forest along the border a moment ago." Brambleclaw meowed.
He looked around the den, ears flattened. Ashfur was glaring at Squirrelflight in disbelief. ~Could Ashfur be doing something with Squirrelflight?~
Ashfur curled his tail around Squirrelflight's paws and meowed, "Come follow me. I have to show you something, Squirrelflight and only you."
Squirrelflight nodded as they both padded out of the den. "Leafpool, am I okay?" Brambleclaw meowed as he unsheathed his claws, thinking about Ashfur.
Leafpool purred in amusement and meowed with a reassuringly, "Yes, if I'm right with my calculations you'll be set in a moon. Everything alright in your point?"
Brambleclaw nodded and hissed, "Can I get out? I need to stretch my paws! They're as weak as a kits bones."
Leafpool shook her head. "You need to rest. Of course you feel that way." She mewed, getting some more herbs.
Brambleclaw sheathed his claws as he saw Ashfur come back. "Ashfur, what have you done with Squirrelflight." He hissed.
Ashfur slipped into the den and purred, "None of your busniness. Is everything alright here with Brambleclaw? He might be a pawful isn't that right!"
"That sure isn't! When I get to see the look on your face when you see Squirrelflight and I together! You'll be clawing my fur off!" Brambleclaw hissed.
Ashfur smiled and unsheathed his claws. Before Brambleclaw could react, he saw Leafpool and Ashfur gone. "Leafpool?" He mewed, terrified.

[★Feather★]

Chapter 4: Ashfur's Plan
Brambleclaw padded out of the den and sniffed the air. He scented Ashfur and Leafpool in the direction of where Brambleclaw had gone with Ashfur for the patrol.
He slipped out of camp and followed the scent trail to the river where Thunderclan and Riverclan divided. Brambleclaw saw Ashfur tugging at Leafpool's pelt into
the water. Leafpool's scent was stale and her body was limp. Brambleclaw hid in a bush nearby and saw Squirrelflight at the bottom of the river. He then realized
Ashfur was luring the cats to drown them and to gain more power. Brambleclaw panicked and he remembered about the dogs. ~Will Ashfur and the dogs attack
together? Well how did Ashfur get the dogs in the first place? That's not going to be real and I know it! I just have to figure out Ashfur's plan~
Brambleclaw's eyes widened at the sight of two dogs pushing the limp body of Leafpool into the water. It was real and Brambleclaw was the only that knew!
He glared at Ashfur and the dogs to make sure they weren't looking at Brambleclaw as he jumped into the water silently and tugged at Squirrelflight's body.
Her body was still heaving with air as she was dragged onto land. Brambleclaw pushed at her chest and smiled as the she-cat got up and stared at Brambleclaw.
"Thank you, Brambleclaw," Squirrelflight meowed happily. "You saved me. We need to save Leafpool! I know all that's going on. I just didn't have the strength."
Brambleclaw nodded and unsheathed his claws. "No, we're not going to do it by force. We have to convince Ashfur." Squirrelflight meowed.
Brambleclaw sheathed his claws and glared at Ashfur. They padded together to Ashfur. "Ashfur, you're doing the wrong thing!" Brambleclaw meowed.
"This is the right thing. My friend dogs will help me destroy this forest with every bit of strength they have. I will rule everything the cats own!" Ashfur hissed.
About ten dogs came and defended Ashfur while he was still tugging at Leafpool. Squirrelflight frowned and mewed, "I hate you."
She turned around and stalked off. She curled her tail and shot up her ears. Brambleclaw followed quickly but showed that he didn't care. "Fine!" Ashfur cried.
They looked behind and saw Ashfur jumping off Leafpool and sheathing his claws. The dogs all scattered behind him and stayed. "I'm sorry, Squirrelflight. I should
have listened in the beginning." Ashfur purred.

[★Feather★]

Chapter 5: The Attack
Brambleclaw laid still, feeling Squirrelflight's pelt heave for air. He got to his paws and looked down at her. He padded out of the den and saw a dark, stealthy
shape flashing through the bushes. Dogs? Brambleclaw lashed his tail and lunged himself towards the lean shape and found himself standing on the tail of it.
He unsheathed his claws and mewed, "Who are you."
"I'm Lightning." The shape barked.
He then realized it was a dog. Brambleclaw jumped off and sheathed his claws. Lightning sat down and yelped, "These cats are hurting our dogs. Revenge!"
Multiple more dogs appeared behind Lightning and unsheathed their claws. They clawed at Brambleclaw as he ran to camp. He looked around the clearing and
saw Firestar. "Firestar! Dogs are going to get revenge, they are going to attack our camp! Probably Windclan, Shadowclan, and Riverclan, too! You have to help.
If you don't, then the whole forest will be crawling with dogs! We don't want that happening, don't you?" Brambleclaw mewed, "Please, help me. Please!!"
Firestar glared at Brambleclaw in disbelief then nodded. They both unsheathed their claws as Firestar bounced up onto High Rock. "Let all cats old enough to catch
their own prey gather here beneath the High Rock for a Clan meeting!" Firestar meowed, loud enough for the whole Clan to hear.
"We are being invaded by dogs anytime soon. We need some guards, who will be in charge?" Firestar yelped as he was pounced on by a large black dog.
Brambleclaw hissed and jumped up onto the dog. "Who are you and what's your name! Who brought you here and get out!" Brambleclaw hissed.
He clawed vigerously at the dogs snout. "I'm Phantom and I'm the Inquit. You shouldn't be messing with me!" The black dog barked, springing out of the pile.
Brambleclaw narrowed his eyes at Phantom and lashed his tail. He looked around the clearing and saw Lightning fighting Thornclaw and Brackenfur. He saw
a well-fed white dog pouncing on Brightheart and Cloudtail. Brambleclaw then saw Firestar scratching another cat that was grey. He then realized it was Ashfur.
He ran up to Firestar and unsheathed his claws to claw at Ashfur. Brambleclaw swiped his claws down Ashfur's eyes as he jumped back from a dogs paws.
Ashfur scrmabled around and then collapsed to the floor. Brambleclaw saw the white dog climbing out of the camp with Cloudtail and Brightheart behind it.
Brambleclaw just hoped the other Clans weren't getting attacked.

[★Feather★]

Chapter 6: We Won!
Brambleclaw searched a safe place to sneak out of the camp. He saw a rough sided wall that collided into the High Rock. He scrambled up the walls and jumped up
onto the top. Brambleclaw ran up to Shadowclan and arrived at the camp. He saw Tawnypelt fighting alongside Smokepaw and Snakepaw. "Oh no." He mewed.
Brambleclaw scrambled back to Thunderclan camp and saw half of the dogs gone. He smiled and unsheathed his claws. Brambleclaw pounced on Lightning's
ears and raked his claws down the dogs neck. "Every dog, retreat!" He heard someone growl, it was Lightning.
Lightning was scrambling up the walls and running away. Ashfur was following Phantom. "You." Ashfur hissed, glaring at Brambleclaw.
Brambleclaw smiled and waved his paw over his head. Ashfur ran away as he felt a cat muzzling his side. "Good job, Brambleclaw." Squirrelflight purred.
She smiled and licked his fur gently. Brambleclaw nodded, his fur on end. He had saved the whole Clan. "We have to go check on the other Clans," Firestar mewed.
"Brambleclaw, take 7 cats with you to go to Shadowclan. I will go to Windclan and the rest of the cats that weren't chosen, go to Riverclan. Now go every cat!"
Cats were padding around the camp as it got flooded. "Squirrelflight, Cloudtail, Brightheart, Thornclaw, Whitepaw," Brambleclaw meowed, licking his paws.
The cats came tumbling to Brambleclaw as he jumped out of the camp. He looked behind to see Squirrelflight helping Whitepaw get up as Cloudtail, Brightheart,
and Thornclaw were following Brambleclaw close behind. As they got closer to Shadowclan, they scented dogs but it was faint. Brambleclaw then realized that
Shadowclan had defeated the dogs. "Everything alright here in Shadowclan? If you would like help, we could help with a few things." Squirrelflight meowed.
Blackstar turned his head and shook his head as he meowed, "Everything is fine. You're all free to go."
The Thunderclan cats all went back to camp.

THE END

[scmarshtacky]

You've got a really nice story going on here. ^^ Since you asked for ways to make it better, I'll toss out a couple ideas that have helped me as I've learned to write more proficiently.

Firstly, details details details. Elaborate on your surroundings, the weather, the season, the time of day, the scenery, the environment. Write details regarding the characters, like facial expressions, how they are standing, ect. Paint a picture so that your audience doesn't feel like they are reading the story on a page, but are actually there experiencing it for themselves.

Secondly, use grammar to your advantage to make things more concise and clear for the reader. It's hard for me to describe exactly, so let me just give an example.
Original:

"Brambleclaw lifted his head and saw Squirrelflight mewing softly beside him. He got up and shook his pelt as he padded into the clearing. Brambleclaw saw Firestar sharing tongues with Sandstorm in the bright sunlight."

More concise:

"Brambleclaw lifted his head to see Squirrelflight mewing softly beside him. He stood up, shook his pelt, and padded into the clearing where he caught sight of Firestar sharing tongues with Sandstorm in the bright sunlight."

It's a minor change, but combining sentences to include more details keeps you from repeating things like names and helps the overall flow of the story.

I don't know if any of this helps you or not, but I thought I would offer it anyway. ^^

[★Feather★]

Thank you! I'll be sure to put that into my current story! It sure helps !