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"Necromancers Put the "Fun" in "Fundamentally Disturbing"
The recent release of Oblivion on the world three years ago has brought with it an outpouring of necromancers. This has, on occasion, resulted in less-than-friendly interactions between Eldemorians and their more macabre neighbors. One group is looking to change all that.
The group, who has opted to remain nameless for reasons undisclosed, is holding its first annual Festival of Reanimated Dead Things and invites all Eldemorians to attend. "We did consider other names," said one spokesperson. "More punchy. You know, like 'The Shinbone Shin-Dig', or 'The Dead Pets Walking Parade'. That one was mine. Bill pointed out that this would exclude pets that fly or swim or were missing limbs and blah, blah, blah. So we opted for the most literal thing we could think of."
The festival will feature 'live' demonstrations of dead pets being brought back to life, and youngsters are encouraged to dig up and bring their long-lost cuttlefish and guinea chillawings along. If you're not the reanimated-pet-type, you can surely enjoy the creepy puppet shows, disturbing carnival games, heart-stopping fried foods, and skeleton sleipnir rides, not to mention the top-secret surprise show at the end of the night, but the heart of the event is in its showcase of the art of necromancy.
"It really is a shame how young people just aren't being exposed to these ancient arts," said one of the group's primary members, Isweer Imoccent. "People take one look at a liger with its innards spilling out, or an otterling missing its head, and they think this is all necromancy is, but it's so much more."
Later this month, while children ready their costumes for All Hallow's Eve, Ms. Imoccent and her colleagues will be raising countless dead pets to take part in the festival. But the cadavers aren't the only things being raised. Some citizens have voiced concerns about having reanimated corpses handling food and ticket sales, but the group was quick to silence them. "I've known corpses all my life," said one necromancer, "and not a one has ever gotten so much as a cold." More concerns were raised over the possibilities of some zombified creatures attacking the attendants, to which the group put out a statement assuring Eldemorians that they have nothing to worry about. "Heck - most of you walk around every day on top of corpses. If they wanted to rise up and eat the flesh of the living off your bones, a couple layers of dirt isn't gonna stop them." To which no one could voice a real counterargument. The statement continued: "There is nothing to worry about. These rumors about using the festival as some massive cover-up to gather together hundreds of like-minded necromancers and willing victims in one place to perform wacky ancient rituals in order to summon our lord and master Oblivion to ravage the local populace that has unjustly been persecuting us these past three years - just... pfft. I mean, that- that would just be stupid."
The festival will go on, it seems, despite objections. "Bring your kids!" says Ms. Imoccent. "It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!"
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